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I would guess that what Pat objects to is the very fact that some of us take our dominant and submissive desires so seriously that we would not be willing to stay married to anyone who did not fulfill those desires. This is not just a little erotic "game" to some of us; it is at the very core of what it means to be a man or a woman, and to be in a loving erotic relationship. In my experience, many switches do consider it just a spanky "game" of sorts, even if they happen to tie it in with domestic discipline. By contrast, those of us who are irrevocably either dominant men or submissive women tend to regard the aspect of male dominance as an absolute necessity in our marriages. It's not the only necessity, of course; but if the marriage lacks the sort of male dominance we need and desire, then that's as good a reason to leave the marriage as any other sort of irreconcileable difference.

by DeeMarie on 2004 Dec 27 - 01:43 | reply to this comment
Re: Just One?
Pat,

How do you make the leap from the fact that a few men here have stated a wish for a particular type of relationship with a consenting woman and themselves won't settle for anything less, to the assumption that they would try to impose that on anyone who, like yourself doesn't want the same? Perhaps I am a little slow here, but I have only seen the men you refer to speak in the context of their own relationships or what they personally would like to find in a relationship, whereas your condemnation of anything you don't agree with seems to be both universally applied and unconcerned with the right of the individual to fulfill his/her choices in any way he/she wishes. To apply your own philosophy, people should be able to be 'enjoyed' for who THEY are and what THEY want and not be pigeonholed according to someone else's different standards. The way I read your posts, you appear to be saying quite firmly that yours is the one and only 'right' way and no other man or woman is entitled to disagree even if they do so within the confines of their own private lives.

Well sorry, but that 'ain't ME babe'

Ros

by Ros on 2004 Dec 27 - 13:27 | reply to this comment
TIH vs DD
Sarah...I wanted to comment on your article describing what you feel are the differences between DD and what you mean by Taken in Hand. A number of people, you mention Tevemer in your article, would feel Taken In Hand is simply another label for DD. I agree with this in part and I disagree in part.
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