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When they say herpes isn’t a big deal they mean that the effects aren’t so horrible, some people get pretty bad symptoms, but they can be taken care of with suppressive therapy and a healthier lifestyle. It’s mostly uncomfortable, it’s cold sores just on a different place! I certainly would not wish it on anyone and I plan on telling my future partners. Chances of transmission go down to 1% with condoms, meds, and abstinence during outbreaks (which occur less frequently over time). Based on these statistics if you’re having casual sex, even with condoms, chances are you’re better off with someone who has it and tells you and takes care of themselves than with someone who doesn’t know, doesn’t want to know (it’s just razor burn hon!), or doesn’t disclose (which happens often with casual sex). That is what they mean when they say “And people who say they don’t totally have it, they just don’t know it yet. They have it worse than anyone.” You may be unknowingly passing it on.
Now, I would never have sex without condoms, but if they want to and their partners want to, it’s their decision. Plus, they do disclose their status, so it’s informed consent, an informed decision. Nobody is coercing anyone. I also don’t see anything wrong with talking about this, even with graphic details. I have the same conversations with my friends, always have. It doesn’t make me go out and have sex with anything that moves. It’s enjoyable, funny, and unfortunately at times, sad. Talking about sex openly can only help, how are we supposed to prevent harm and have healthy sexual lives if graphic details make us uncomfortable? Why do we expect people to disclose and go to the doctor if people feel it’s taboo to describe it? I find it offensive that you underestimate women’s intelligence so much that you think that reading these women’s writings will make others out there go and do the same thing. If they do, they probably were thinking about doing it prior to reading. It’s not a cause and effect relationship, you can ask any media studies scholar.
So, to answer your question, yes, you’re being ridiculous. You are definitely slut shaming. Not just that but shaming anyone who for whatever reason contracted an STD. If anything we should be writing about the medical community and their reluctance to provide an accurate diagnosis and listening to patients, the cost of proper health care and meds, and the stigma that causes so many to go untreated for a long time. Less moralistic rants and more solutions for me, please.
Susan Walsh says: May 5, 2010 at 12:19 pm Jules, welcome, thank you for leaving a comment? How am I slut shaming? By criticizing Moe T. and Tracie E.? If you watched the video you saw that these women didn’t need any help whatsoever in shaming themselves.
First, with respect to the medical information you shared, that is covered very thoroughly in the prior post The Complex Psychology of STD Transmission, which I linked to at the start of this post. Check it out, so that you can speak from a place of being fully informed:
